Poor week for exercise

So this week I only got on my treadmill once. :( and even that was a poor attempt. Only 2.1 miles in 40 minutes. I have not been feeling well all week and battling a little bit of stress so this week is a write off. I'm hoping to get some treadmill time in tomorrow evening. We have company coming over so the morning and afternoon are a write off. Jon has a new video game and he's be more then happy to go down stairs and play that while I run while Alexander sleeps.
I've been fighting all week a decision on whether or not I want to continue to strive for weight loss. For the past 4 months I've been logging every bit of food/exercise I've been eating/doing. For the past 4 months I've gained and lost the same 3-4 lbs. For the past 4 months I've been on a horrible roller coaster of emotions regarding my weight. I'm not happy with it. I WANT to do something about it however it seems like it is going to be impossible. So I'm left at this decision. Do I put away the scales and say FUCK IT and try to just eat as healthy as possible and work out and not care if I lose/gain weight? Do I keep trying and cutting out foods etc? Why isn't this working. I tried the Jillian Michael's fat burners, didn't work.  I've gone from 1800-1200 calories per day with the same result. 254 lbs. That's a horrible number that I'm miserable with. Can I learn to live with it? Can I be happy at that weight as long as I am able to keep up with my son and life? Have I really been giving the weight loss 150% efforts? The answer to all but the last question is  I don't know. The answer to the last question.... is a very loud NO! It's a lot of hard work to lose weight. With sleep deprivation it makes it even harder. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know where I'm going to go. I told my husband today I'm done trying that I'm just going to try eating as healthy as possible and try to get healthy (no matter what weight) so that I can keep up with Alexander. He supported me in that. He said that's all that matters, my weight does not, my size does not.
I am lost on this weight loss journey. I know what I want to be, I know where I want to be, am I able to achieve it? So far I have not been able to. I have some soul searching to do, I need to make a decision on my actions and shit or get off the pot. I really don't know if it's possible for me to get back to 180 lbs.
As I struggle with this decision, miss my best friend Karen terribly, wondering what I'm going to do. Wondering what she'd say what she'd do, Jon sent me this:

Not sure what to think of the white orb above the red bucket. It's definitely NOT  a reflection and NOT a spot on his camera lens. It was taken with his cell phone. As soon as he sent it to me my eyes fixated on the white orb.. What/Who is it? This is the first time and orb has appeared in any of our photos. I feel it is most definitely a spirit. Any thoughts?!?!

Something awesome happened

First of all I'm going to apologise for the length of time it's taken me to write another post. I've had a lot of personal issues I've been dealing with. :) Not sure how many readers I have but I hope to get better at this posting thing. Things are turning around.

Now to the reason for this post. Something awesome happened about a month ago. I know exactly when it happened and I will always remember this moment in my life forever. I became a mom. I had been out grocery shopping with Alexander, doing groceries as I normally do. Alexander and I go up and down the aisles talking about the food we're buying and what we're going to do with it. He kicks at me I take his feet and push the cart away. A good song comes on (you know your old when you like the songs they play in the grocery store) I dance to it as we go about our business of getting our groceries. Alexander pointing at everything saying "wats dat" or "ah wan dat". I repeat to him "What's that, that's *fill in random food item" or "silly boy you don't even know what that is how can you want it." That day was a little different though, that day must have been "mom day" because there was a lot of moms with their little ones. Out of the corner of my eye in between bombing my child with kisses and watching him giggle with delight I watched these moms. All of these moms (atleast 7 of them) were doing their shopping as their child looked on. They did not talk to their kid, they did not show their kid different foods, or say "oh I'm going to buy hamburger so we can make some lasagna" to them. They were running errands with their child with them.

I then imagined how idiotic I must look, pushing Alexander around the store in the cart with his feet, or pushing him in front of me telling him to stop running away from me. Each time I do any of this he squeals with delight and laughs so hard at me. I then notice the older ladies smiling at me and at us with that "there goes a great mom" smile. And the ladies who are running errands look at me and watch me interacting with him as we scan our items. I for a moment wonder if the lady with the little girl wishes she could act like that with her kid. That's when it hit.. I am either bat shit crazy or I'm a pretty awesome mom. (My husband confidently tells me that night that it's the latter of the two.)

I get home with Alexander put the groceries away give him a snack and as we sit on the couch with him on my lap I give him a big hug and tell him "I love you" kiss the top of his head and told him "I'm your mom".

Yes my child was 14 months old, however up until that point I was some person who was struggling to look after this child. And oh boy did I ever struggle. I had post partum depression, that did not go away after 6 months, 8 months, a year. It did not go away with medication, that just made it easier not to cry.  I openly talked about my struggles. I tried to open a conversation about my struggles so other moms wouldn't feel alone if they struggled too. However I've only recently realized no one wants to hear about that. No one wants to hear that you're proud you got your kid to eat all his dinner without throwing it around or pushing it away. No one wants to hear that you're proud that you were able to give him breakfast and a bath before nap time without you crying your head off. What people want to hear is oh my child can walk, and talk, and eat all his veggies all by himself with no help.

Another thing that helped click this into me was I mentioned to a close friend how much I was struggling and how I couldn't understand why it was so easy for other mothers. She said it's all about attitude. I asked her how she did it, she never struggles, she never has a hard time. Her response.. "oh I do.. I have lots of them, I just don't talk about them"  WHAT?!?!?!?! All these months and you're only now telling me this??? Why??? Because no one wants to be seen as a "bad mom". In the world we live in now women are suppose to be everything, do everything. Be a career woman working 40+ hours a week and a perfect 1950's stay at home mom who makes fresh bread daily and has the house spotless. Someone who is always prepared for every small situation (a mom who doesn't forget the bottle, or a pair of socks or a hat) Who expects that of us women?? OTHER FREEKIN WOMEN. You listen to a group of mom's talk and it's almost a competition talk about how great their life is and how perfect their child and house is at every minute. You read the face book posts about "little Timmy learned his alphabet today, what an awesome 9 month old I have" or "I baked 5 loaves of bread today and made a 7 course meal all while breast feeding my child, then at nap time I had 3 hours of amazing sex with the hubby then went to my amazing job and found out I've just been promoted to president of the company"

These are expectations I can not live up to. Alexander is 14.5 months and has no idea what an alphabet is let alone how to say them. And well I can only make bread maker bread and that takes a good 4 hours to make so I'd be making bread all day if I had to make 5 loaves of bread. There's no way I'll ever become president of Rogers. That's just silly. Phone monkey I shall be, but I like my job. I like talking to the people (well 95% of them, it really does take all kinds) And 3 hour of sex.. who has that kind of time?!?

I am currently learning that if the dishes are in the dishwasher, the meals are made, the house is tidy (aka if you don't like my dust I'll get you the pledge and a cloth; go to town), if my child is fed, and has a smile on his face, then I'm doing a great job! And I'm a mom.. And a pretty darn good one at that. (PS I'm the bat shit crazy woman who sings to her child in the grocery store and spins him around in circles while dancing with him outside the mall to random songs just to hear him laugh. )

Are you to hard on yourself?

So I have been having a hard time again with being a mom. Things are getting piled up and I am getting overwhelmed. I feel very often that I'm a bad mom. It's hard for me not to feel this way. I have an "ideal" mom image in my head. This mom is one who cooks, and cleans and spends 2-3 hours a day interacting with their child, and also has time to work out and keep the house hold flowing. She is "put together" with clothes and makeup and physically fit. I know moms like this. There are moms like this where I work. They are idols to me. They are the women I dream of being like. The kind of women I really want to be, but have no idea how to start to achieve it. Most days I do good to get my child fed, myself fed, my husband fed, and the dishes done and some toys picked up and showered. I realize I do not know what these ladies home lives are like, but in my mind they are able to cook and clean and have time to spend with their children. This exists right?! I know this is possible, I read about it I see it.. So WHY CAN'T I ACHIEVE IT. I have been told by a number of people I'm to hard on myself. That I'm expecting to much of myself, of my child, of my puppy. I do not give enough credit to myself. That I have alot on my plate (14 month old and a 7 month old puppy and working nights) I do not feel this way. I feel I am capable of so much more then what I'm doing right now. If I am capable... why am I not doing it? I have stopped caring about how I look in public, I have stopped caring about how I look at home. As long as I "get the basics done" that seems to be all I can manage to do. This is sad. This has caused a weight gain that I am NOT happy with. When will it kick in for me to start getting my life together? When will my feelings return? When will I start caring again? I really do feel like I am lost. I NEED to know other moms struggle. That they find things hard because as I look around, it appears everyone is "super mom" and I'm first in running for the "worst mom of the year" award. PLEASE if you have struggles, (if you are reading this) Please post. Let me know I'm not alone in this.

A day in my life

So I discovered today I'm actually a super busy person. I do a lot in my day. I am always tired :S blah maybe someday I'll work normal shifts. I thought I'd tell you about my day.  

8 am - wake up 

8-8:30am - feed Alexander and Penny 

8:30-9am - get breakfast (egg sandwich and coffee) 

9-10am - play time 

10/10:30am - Alexander down for a nap 

10:30-11am - treamill (this is new starting today) 

11-11:30am - shower and Alexander usually wakes from his nap 

11:30-12:30pm - play time 

12:30pm - give Alexander dinner

 1 pm - make myself dinner 

1-3pm - play time random cleaning dishes, laundry cleaning the living room 

3-4pm - get Jon's supper/work lunch/breakfast for the next day ready get my work supper ready 

4-4:15pm - time with Jon 

4:15pm - leave for work 

5pm-1:30am - work 

2am - bed time 

 Then I'll do it all again tomorrow. I did do groceries so playtime got turned into "what's that" time at the grocery store.. Alexander's new favorite saying. Last week was pretty much the same except from 10-1130 I'd nap with Alexander. I've bought a treadmill in hopes of getting into shape again!

 So here's a great story for the day. I got a really nice roast beef for supper. Made it for Jon with potatoes and carrots. He sat down to eat some, then he went back for 2nd's and while he was eating he noticed the dog was not beside him, AND she was quiet.. (can you guess where this story is going) She had gotten up on the counter (he did not push the plate back far enough) took the roast off the plate and ate the rest of it.. that's over 1/2 of a giant roast.. Yeah.. so no roast for me for tomorrow's lunch.. Boo.. I love roast beef.. 

 And this just in looks like play date on friday.. So excited!!

From mother to mother

This is a rare type of post for me to write so a lot of it may seem like rambling. I never understood the impact of ones health had on their loved ones until I had a baby. I have had lots of ppl around me sick, I have an auto immune disorder myself, I've had people pass away suddenly or to sickness or old age. However until I became a mother I never really got how important being healthy and fighting for ones life really is. I always said if I developed another illness I'd refuse treatment and just give up. Until I had Alexander. That is not an option now. I spent a lot of time angry with my best friend for passing away. She died of cancer, she had two small boys. She left them, she left me I was mad. However now as a mom I realize she fought her hardest. I was approached by a reader to bring awareness to her cause. Heather is a mesothelioma survivor, she is a mom. I can not imagine the strength she had to muster in order to beat this horrible disease. Her daughter was 3.5 months old. I know how hard it is to have a new born. I know the daily struggle to figure out what to do with this little human. I could not imagine having to fight for my life at the same time. I did not know much about mesthelioma. I have since read a lot on it. I listened to Heathers story. She developed this cancer because her dad worked in construction and was exposed to asbestos fibers daily. An innocent bystander. She managed to pull together the strength to fight and survive this horrible disease. Here is a little background on her story: 

I am a wife, mother, and a mesothelioma survivor. When my daughter was 3 ½ months old, I was diagnosed with this rare and deadly cancer, and given 15 months to live. My prognosis was grim but I knew that I needed to beat the odds for my newborn daughter, Lily. It’s been 7 years now and I feel that it is my duty to pay it forward and inspire others. I clung on to hope throughout my whole journey with mesothelioma. When you have hope, it makes the battle easier. I want people to be inspired by me, I want to make them fight; give them something to hold on to when all else fails. That is why I do it. If I inspire one person, I've done my job. I'm using my personal story to help raise awareness of this little known cancer, and to provide a sense of hope for others facing life’s difficult challenges. Here is a video of my story that I am hoping to use as a tool to raise awareness. I would love it if you would be willing to share it on your blog with your readers! Here is the link: www.mesothelioma.com/heather 

Cancer is a horrible horrible thing. My hope is that in the very very near future all cancers have a cure. Everytime I think of the possiblities of something happening I hug my child. Please hug your child today/tonight. Say a little prayer for every mom/daughter/son/father who is fighting today. Pray for strength for them. I will. For those family memebers and friends who are their support system ask for strength for them as well for they need it too. Heather, I am very glad you found your strength and was able to beat this monster. I am very glad that every day you find your strength. Thank you for sharing your story. Please give Lily a hug! She is a very lucky girl to still have her mom.

Vacation is over :(

La boo my 2 weeks vacation is over.. not cool :( I told Jon I wanted another baby so I could have another year off (so kidding.. sorta). We had a good vacation it was so nice to see him and spend time with him. I've missed him a lot. Our first week we just kinda hung out, went on a drive to St John area and then out to Amherst a couple of times. Family time was fun! Then we went camping with his brother and his wife. They have 2 little kids who Alexander ADORES! He thinks the world of them and they love him just as much. We took Alexander swimming a few times which was fun. I have realized though I am NOT a 5 day camping person. I believe our vacation next year should be spent in a hotel. With a working bathroom (3 out of 5 mornings the toilets by our campsite was closed!!) A hot shower (showers 5 minute drive away from our site) and lots of room. 2 adults a play pen and a dog crate in the tenting trailer leaves very little space. I told the husband if we get a camper we are getting a full size camper with slides! Not a tenting trailer. But generally the vacation was awesome. We went hiking, swimming in the lake, visited Port royal and upper clements park. We had campfires every night (mmmm roasted marshmallows) So I went cold turkey on junk food. No more pop, chips or sweets. I'm going to go back to my after bypass diet (what I can remember of it anyways) I'm very determined to get this weight off. I'm starting off 10 minutes a day exercise commitment I'll try my hardest to get atleast 10 minutes every day of exercise in. My weight was 252.4 this morning. It's a start. This week is a pretty relaxed week ahead I have to get an oil change tomorrow and take penny to the vet for a booster but other then that the rest of the week is opened. YAY! Hopefully I'll get out for a walk. Jon and I went for an hour walk yesterday around Moncton. It was nice til we went to sit out on a patio for supper at a local restaurant. We had Penny with us. Their patio was on the sidewalk, we were told (which ppl have to walk through even with their pets to get by the restaurant) that we could not have penny on the "patio" she had to be on the other side of the fence (right beside the cars in the direct sun.) Penny is a black dog. Putting her in the sun for an hour plus is not a good idea. We left. It's very sad how undogfriendly Moncton is. :( I'd love it if they had more outside areas that allowed dogs. hmmm that's about all that's been happening the last couple of weeks. Hopefully I'll find time to post again tomorrow.

CUTEST THING EVER!!

Growing up I was a HUGE NKOTB fan.. Anyone else think this maybe NKOTB future generation?!?! hehe they are all so cute

Left to right: Jude, River, Alexander, Everett, Noah

My boy and his best buddies <3 they are an amazing bunch of boys with an awesome bunch of mommys!

I did ok today on the eating thing. No chips no pop.. had some ice cream I shared with Alexander and some chocolate chip cookies. I did not get any exercise in as I was busy with errands.

Here is a small rant regarding the vet.

We're going camping in 2 weeks and it will be in southern Nova Scotia where there is a large infest of ticks. We want to protect our dog Penny against ticks so we want to get the treatment for her. I called our usual money grubbing   vet and they said I needed to take her in to have the vet check her and give her the perscription. Vet visit 63$ perscription 20$ total cost 83$ plus tax. So I went to look for Advantex or front line at local stores, no luck so I stopped into another vet clinic in the area. Again was told vet visit (55$) and perscription (20$). So I spoke with my friend Tracey to where she gets her flea/tick medication. She said she's never needed a perscription. So I called the vet place she goes to.. Nope no vet visit needed, just needed to take her in to get weighed and they will give me the EXACT SAME medication I was told we needed a perscription for.. Seriously.. No wonder there is not proper pet care, some of the vets are just money grabbers. Had I not had a friend who I could ask her advise it'd cost us almost 100 bucks (after tax) now it's going to cost 20$. I now have a new vet and know two places I will not recommend to people.

life got in the away again

Well it would appear that life got in the way again of the blogging. I am determined to be a blogger. It may take a few months for me to get on a roll but I really need to do this for me. I need this to be my outlet, my "me time" my diarrhea of the mouth area.
For the next  while not a lot of things will be in order until I find my groove, but I'm really REALLY ready to get my life in order. My baby boy turned 1 on Sunday, we had a great party for him! He had so much fun. I start vacation at the end of the week (there will be no posts from Aug 3rd to Aug 9th for sure) During our vacation I plan to recharge and restart.
I'm 255 lbs as of today. Today is an end point and a starting point. The end of me gaining weight and the start of me being the best mom and wife I can be. This means doing things for myself. Giving myself time to exercise and eat right.
I seen pictures of myself from Alexander's 1st bday and I gotta say.. I'm not impressed lol. I tried the Jillian Michaels "online plan" it didnt work. I could not follow it well enough. I was not motivated well enough. Well I am now. I'm tired of gaining 10 lbs every 3 months. I'm tired of the scales slowly creeping up. I'm tired of being in pain and being exhausted all the time. Yes part of it is because I have a pup and a 1 year old and work until 1:30 in the morning. But part of it is also because I'm out of shape and do not eat right. I'm going to find a good weight loss blog and support group.
I will still have lots of stuff about Alexander on my blog and our adventures but this will also be about weight loss.
If you're out there and reading this PLEASE comment as often as possible. Please encourage, please help motivate, please rip apart, PLEASE help keep me accountable. You'll be helping a little boy keep his mom around for a very long time.

A first haircut

My baby boy got his first haircut today... Neither of us cried. When Jessica was done cutting his hair she was taking his cape off and he put his arms out for her to pick him up and he cuddled into her :)

Saturday June 1st

Little boy wakes up

We have a bottle

Then he gets in his exersaucer and watches cartoons while mommy eats breakfast

Then we get some baby cereal 

This is how he tells me he is done.. Standing up

Try to leave the house, and the cat decides she needs to go outside

All packed in the SUV.

Quick stop for coffee

Stop at Ride for Dad

See daddy

Stop by to see Pepper (we love pepper)

I love peppers CAV vest

Got my Ride for Dad magnet.. Just an FYI the back bumper and back door of a Dodge Journey is ALL plastic.

Stop at Consignsment sale

We love shopping

Best find of the sale!

All pooped after shopping

Packed for Amherst

Reception flowers

Reception hall

Grampie entertaining the grand kids

Centre pieces

Photo Table

Trying to get Alexander to take a nap

After this I went and got my dress on and went to the hall for our reception. It was awesome and I had a blast! My day was much easier then my husbands who had to lift a motorcycle onto the back of a pick up due to a rider collapsing and being stuck in terential downpour of rain. This down pour made his front wheel come off the ground while driving!!

Busy weekend ahead

I have a super busy weekend ahead of me. We were suppose to go to a meet and greet with Ryan Hurst (Opie from SOA) however due to a delay on set of his new show he was not able to make a flight in time to get into Moncton for the start of the meet and greet :( This is sad cause I was really looking forward to a night out representing the Ride For Dad. However we still have a sitter so the hubby and I will still be going out on a date. We need to go out to our buddy's house and pick up his bike for Saturday morning because its Ride For Dad day! I love ride for dad day, it's such a great fundraiser. It touches very closely to our hearts this year as a family member is currently undergoing treatment for prostate cancer.
Jon started going to it last year and had so much fun, I was 8 months preggo so I was not a passenger, this year I have a 10 month old so I will also not be a passenger. I will go to the morning breakfast to see the CAV family then hit up a local consignment sale for baby gear. Alexander needs clothes. I thought he had a ton of 6-9 months stuff however went through the box and its all older (9-12 or 12+) or its all winter stuff. Alexander did not grow as fast as most babies.
Then after the consignment sale we need to pack up and head to Amherst for our reception! I am going in the afternoon to decorate the hall.
Here are our centre pieces! I loooove how they turned out:

And our fancy little favor boxes:

We also have the grooms tux I just don't have pics of it.
In our wine bottles we will be putting crazy daisies. I wanted to put in Daisy's as a way to honor our dear daisy doo :( We miss her so much. I seen these at the super store and HAD to get them. It's very fitting as she most certainly was a crazy beagle!.

Then after a night of partying with family and friends we will be spending the night at Jon's parents (so they can play with Alexander) then boot it home Sunday for a fantastic little boy's first birthday party! I hope the sun stays out for it because we're going to set up my kiddy pool at his place for a baby pool party. I can't wait for the pics from that! I'm sure I'll have a post FULL of pictures from this weekend sometime next week. I'm really looking forward to it. Plus it's the end of our never ending wedding HAHA! Seriously we got married in November!
It's been a busy work week with trying to get everything set for the reception and a bunch of other running around. Alexander has been going through something that's made him a bit whiney, I think it's either teething or growing pains. Tylenol usually fixes him for a bit last night he was up every 4 hours :( Mama is very tired today. Dad was also very tired as he now gets up to take Alexander to me when he wakes in the middle of the night. I know last night was not because he wanted to nurse because he was just happy to lay on my chest so something else was going on.
I hope he does well with his baby sitter tomorrow night. We left him with Jon's parents lasts week but he's semi use to them so I'm hoping if Amy comes over early before our "date" he'll warm up and be fine with her too.
Tomorrow I need to pick up pictures, put a few more pictures on our wine bottles and put another coat of paint on or guest books. Plus we have a play date. I'm hoping my wedding dress still fits me cause I've put on 5 lbs somewhere since November, hopefully its my thighs lol they wont change the fit of the dress. We'll find out tomorrow Kim and I are going to try it on! She also gets a final fitting of her dress for her reception. We really need to have someone to take a pic of both of us in our dresses!
On the weight side of things.. everything is pretty much the same. This week my diet has been mediocre. Most meals were really good but the snacks were not.. Packing favor boxes with chocolates meant lots of chocolates for the packer lol. Oopsie! Maybe next week will be better.

Kick start to healthy

I'm just finishing up day 5 of my 5 day weekend. Yes I did just get of maternity leave and yes I took 2 days of vacation already. Jon had an Atlantic meeting for the CAV he had to attend and escort members from other branches to so he had to be free Thursday and Friday night, so I took them off.
Saturday night we attended a wedding of two of the CAV members Art and Deb. I gotta say it's pretty cool to see the motorcycle escort around Moncton! They really are a great group of people. We are quickly being welcomed into the family. They all love Alexander and treat us all so well. I can't wait til I can get patched in! It's just waiting for me to be able to afford the vest and fee. :)

Sunday they finished the weekend of meetings with a tour of Hopewell Rocks and meeting with a few of the local veterans. They met one fellow who is 102 years young and was part of a few wars. While he was doing that I made a turkey supper (YUMM). Today was mostly being lazy and spending family time. We went for a drive in the wet cold rain. Luckily it was not a motorcycle ride.
We did take Alexander out to crooked creek, which is also where Jon and I went on our first date! Who knew 4.5 years later we would be married with a baby!

 

 

We are having our final wedding reception in 2 weeks so this weekend I finally decided what I'm doing for my centre pieces and started our canvas guest books. I will post pictures of the guest books when I'm done of them.

And the reason for my blog title today is that I finally took a step and signed up for Jillian Michael's online. I'm not sure if it will be worth it just yet however I am giving it a shot. Her site is very confusing so I'm hoping that one of the members there can help me navigate through. I also have not had much time to sit down and explore but I will do that at work this week. Jon and I have committed to each other to help each other lose weight and get in shape this year. It's something that's very important to both of us since we have Alexander's future to be concerned about. I am going to get some "before" pictures and post those as well and post monthly weight loss updates. Weekly is to discouraging. I'll be weighing in weekly with the site but will do a monthly update on this blog.

One more thing I wanted to touch on is Angelina Jolie's double mastectomy. I am so happy that she took the steps that may prevent her and her family so much pain. Not only if lord forbid she did get cancer and pass away from it but the pain of going through cancer treatments. I applaud her courage and openness and am thankful that women everywhere have a positive role model. Jon and I discussed it and if I ever tested positive for that gene it would be a huge consideration of also getting a double mastectomy. I do not want to leave my boys and I do not want them to have to deal with the cancer treatments and possibly losing me. Cancer and chemo and radiation is a horrible thing to watch anyone to go through. I pray it is something we will never have to experience. He said if it was something I chose to do he would support me in every way. I am going to be 35 in October, time to start getting a little squishing done!

 

So my question is.. How many of you would consider a double mastectomy as a preventative measure to decrease your risk of cancer?

Long time no update

So the 21 day thing didnt work lol. I'm not very good at making new habits. I'm hoping now that I'm back to work it will work a bit better.
So what has changed since last update.. Well the biggest is that I'm back to work. It's hard. Jon is working 7am-330pm and I'm working 5pm to 130 am. Which means we see each other while passing the baby from me to him and on weekends. It also means that I work til 130 am get home and in bed by 2 and am up by 6. Jon's alarm goes off at 6 and if he leaves it on to long it wakes the baby and then I need to get up with him as he does not settle easily. IF I'm lucky I'll get 4 hours of sleep. I do nap when he naps. which is generally 2 hours in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. I usually skip the afternoon nap as I have to do house work and prepare meals and what not. It is difficult however I will adjust. I'm sure by the time I do he's going to change up his nap time and mess me all up. But it is what it is. We are doing this for Alexander. For our family. Hopefully it will only be for a year, 2 at most.
I also have bought a new Dodge Journey.. It's copperand its BEAUTIFUL! I love it!! It's so nice to have a new vehicle. It's not a used its a 2013 journey. I love driving it around. It's so much nicer then my old 2000 2 door sunfire. It's got so much room. It's great for Alexander. A lot easier to get him in and out of that. He also now has his own mirror. When I had the sunfire it didn't have a head rest in the back seat so I couldn't put a mirror in for him so now he gets to admire himself while we're driving around.
My weight I'm still struggling with. I'm hoping once I get balance between house work and working again and lack of sleep (IE more coffee) that it too will start to fall into place.
I'm going to post my before picture and give it a really good honest go at losing weight. I thought I was but I am not so sure I was. Obviously I wasn't because I havnt lost any weight. I still bounce between 242 and 245 :( Which depresses me a bit. However since returning to work I am getting a bit more energy and am generally over all happier. So fingers crossed over the summer I'll drop atleast 20 lbs. That is my goal by the end of August to be down 20 lbs :D wish me luck!
So yea.. that's what's been happening in my life over the last month. Oh and I'm trying to decide on centre pieces for our reception which is in 15 days.. Yeah I'm slacking a bit. I have an idea and as soon as I figure it out it will only take a day to do so it's not something that needs a huge rush.
I'm just curious if anyone (who's still reading) is part of any online forum or has any inspirational weight loss blogs they visit. I'd love to know some good blogs and forums for support while losing weight.

Quick picture update

It's been a while I'm going to do a picture update right now but will write an actual post later tonight! So here are some pictures of the most amazing little boy ever!