Are you to hard on yourself?

So I have been having a hard time again with being a mom. Things are getting piled up and I am getting overwhelmed. I feel very often that I'm a bad mom. It's hard for me not to feel this way. I have an "ideal" mom image in my head. This mom is one who cooks, and cleans and spends 2-3 hours a day interacting with their child, and also has time to work out and keep the house hold flowing. She is "put together" with clothes and makeup and physically fit. I know moms like this. There are moms like this where I work. They are idols to me. They are the women I dream of being like. The kind of women I really want to be, but have no idea how to start to achieve it. Most days I do good to get my child fed, myself fed, my husband fed, and the dishes done and some toys picked up and showered. I realize I do not know what these ladies home lives are like, but in my mind they are able to cook and clean and have time to spend with their children. This exists right?! I know this is possible, I read about it I see it.. So WHY CAN'T I ACHIEVE IT. I have been told by a number of people I'm to hard on myself. That I'm expecting to much of myself, of my child, of my puppy. I do not give enough credit to myself. That I have alot on my plate (14 month old and a 7 month old puppy and working nights) I do not feel this way. I feel I am capable of so much more then what I'm doing right now. If I am capable... why am I not doing it? I have stopped caring about how I look in public, I have stopped caring about how I look at home. As long as I "get the basics done" that seems to be all I can manage to do. This is sad. This has caused a weight gain that I am NOT happy with. When will it kick in for me to start getting my life together? When will my feelings return? When will I start caring again? I really do feel like I am lost. I NEED to know other moms struggle. That they find things hard because as I look around, it appears everyone is "super mom" and I'm first in running for the "worst mom of the year" award. PLEASE if you have struggles, (if you are reading this) Please post. Let me know I'm not alone in this.

A day in my life

So I discovered today I'm actually a super busy person. I do a lot in my day. I am always tired :S blah maybe someday I'll work normal shifts. I thought I'd tell you about my day.  

8 am - wake up 

8-8:30am - feed Alexander and Penny 

8:30-9am - get breakfast (egg sandwich and coffee) 

9-10am - play time 

10/10:30am - Alexander down for a nap 

10:30-11am - treamill (this is new starting today) 

11-11:30am - shower and Alexander usually wakes from his nap 

11:30-12:30pm - play time 

12:30pm - give Alexander dinner

 1 pm - make myself dinner 

1-3pm - play time random cleaning dishes, laundry cleaning the living room 

3-4pm - get Jon's supper/work lunch/breakfast for the next day ready get my work supper ready 

4-4:15pm - time with Jon 

4:15pm - leave for work 

5pm-1:30am - work 

2am - bed time 

 Then I'll do it all again tomorrow. I did do groceries so playtime got turned into "what's that" time at the grocery store.. Alexander's new favorite saying. Last week was pretty much the same except from 10-1130 I'd nap with Alexander. I've bought a treadmill in hopes of getting into shape again!

 So here's a great story for the day. I got a really nice roast beef for supper. Made it for Jon with potatoes and carrots. He sat down to eat some, then he went back for 2nd's and while he was eating he noticed the dog was not beside him, AND she was quiet.. (can you guess where this story is going) She had gotten up on the counter (he did not push the plate back far enough) took the roast off the plate and ate the rest of it.. that's over 1/2 of a giant roast.. Yeah.. so no roast for me for tomorrow's lunch.. Boo.. I love roast beef.. 

 And this just in looks like play date on friday.. So excited!!

From mother to mother

This is a rare type of post for me to write so a lot of it may seem like rambling. I never understood the impact of ones health had on their loved ones until I had a baby. I have had lots of ppl around me sick, I have an auto immune disorder myself, I've had people pass away suddenly or to sickness or old age. However until I became a mother I never really got how important being healthy and fighting for ones life really is. I always said if I developed another illness I'd refuse treatment and just give up. Until I had Alexander. That is not an option now. I spent a lot of time angry with my best friend for passing away. She died of cancer, she had two small boys. She left them, she left me I was mad. However now as a mom I realize she fought her hardest. I was approached by a reader to bring awareness to her cause. Heather is a mesothelioma survivor, she is a mom. I can not imagine the strength she had to muster in order to beat this horrible disease. Her daughter was 3.5 months old. I know how hard it is to have a new born. I know the daily struggle to figure out what to do with this little human. I could not imagine having to fight for my life at the same time. I did not know much about mesthelioma. I have since read a lot on it. I listened to Heathers story. She developed this cancer because her dad worked in construction and was exposed to asbestos fibers daily. An innocent bystander. She managed to pull together the strength to fight and survive this horrible disease. Here is a little background on her story: 

I am a wife, mother, and a mesothelioma survivor. When my daughter was 3 ½ months old, I was diagnosed with this rare and deadly cancer, and given 15 months to live. My prognosis was grim but I knew that I needed to beat the odds for my newborn daughter, Lily. It’s been 7 years now and I feel that it is my duty to pay it forward and inspire others. I clung on to hope throughout my whole journey with mesothelioma. When you have hope, it makes the battle easier. I want people to be inspired by me, I want to make them fight; give them something to hold on to when all else fails. That is why I do it. If I inspire one person, I've done my job. I'm using my personal story to help raise awareness of this little known cancer, and to provide a sense of hope for others facing life’s difficult challenges. Here is a video of my story that I am hoping to use as a tool to raise awareness. I would love it if you would be willing to share it on your blog with your readers! Here is the link: www.mesothelioma.com/heather 

Cancer is a horrible horrible thing. My hope is that in the very very near future all cancers have a cure. Everytime I think of the possiblities of something happening I hug my child. Please hug your child today/tonight. Say a little prayer for every mom/daughter/son/father who is fighting today. Pray for strength for them. I will. For those family memebers and friends who are their support system ask for strength for them as well for they need it too. Heather, I am very glad you found your strength and was able to beat this monster. I am very glad that every day you find your strength. Thank you for sharing your story. Please give Lily a hug! She is a very lucky girl to still have her mom.

Vacation is over :(

La boo my 2 weeks vacation is over.. not cool :( I told Jon I wanted another baby so I could have another year off (so kidding.. sorta). We had a good vacation it was so nice to see him and spend time with him. I've missed him a lot. Our first week we just kinda hung out, went on a drive to St John area and then out to Amherst a couple of times. Family time was fun! Then we went camping with his brother and his wife. They have 2 little kids who Alexander ADORES! He thinks the world of them and they love him just as much. We took Alexander swimming a few times which was fun. I have realized though I am NOT a 5 day camping person. I believe our vacation next year should be spent in a hotel. With a working bathroom (3 out of 5 mornings the toilets by our campsite was closed!!) A hot shower (showers 5 minute drive away from our site) and lots of room. 2 adults a play pen and a dog crate in the tenting trailer leaves very little space. I told the husband if we get a camper we are getting a full size camper with slides! Not a tenting trailer. But generally the vacation was awesome. We went hiking, swimming in the lake, visited Port royal and upper clements park. We had campfires every night (mmmm roasted marshmallows) So I went cold turkey on junk food. No more pop, chips or sweets. I'm going to go back to my after bypass diet (what I can remember of it anyways) I'm very determined to get this weight off. I'm starting off 10 minutes a day exercise commitment I'll try my hardest to get atleast 10 minutes every day of exercise in. My weight was 252.4 this morning. It's a start. This week is a pretty relaxed week ahead I have to get an oil change tomorrow and take penny to the vet for a booster but other then that the rest of the week is opened. YAY! Hopefully I'll get out for a walk. Jon and I went for an hour walk yesterday around Moncton. It was nice til we went to sit out on a patio for supper at a local restaurant. We had Penny with us. Their patio was on the sidewalk, we were told (which ppl have to walk through even with their pets to get by the restaurant) that we could not have penny on the "patio" she had to be on the other side of the fence (right beside the cars in the direct sun.) Penny is a black dog. Putting her in the sun for an hour plus is not a good idea. We left. It's very sad how undogfriendly Moncton is. :( I'd love it if they had more outside areas that allowed dogs. hmmm that's about all that's been happening the last couple of weeks. Hopefully I'll find time to post again tomorrow.

CUTEST THING EVER!!

Growing up I was a HUGE NKOTB fan.. Anyone else think this maybe NKOTB future generation?!?! hehe they are all so cute

Left to right: Jude, River, Alexander, Everett, Noah

My boy and his best buddies <3 they are an amazing bunch of boys with an awesome bunch of mommys!

I did ok today on the eating thing. No chips no pop.. had some ice cream I shared with Alexander and some chocolate chip cookies. I did not get any exercise in as I was busy with errands.

Here is a small rant regarding the vet.

We're going camping in 2 weeks and it will be in southern Nova Scotia where there is a large infest of ticks. We want to protect our dog Penny against ticks so we want to get the treatment for her. I called our usual money grubbing   vet and they said I needed to take her in to have the vet check her and give her the perscription. Vet visit 63$ perscription 20$ total cost 83$ plus tax. So I went to look for Advantex or front line at local stores, no luck so I stopped into another vet clinic in the area. Again was told vet visit (55$) and perscription (20$). So I spoke with my friend Tracey to where she gets her flea/tick medication. She said she's never needed a perscription. So I called the vet place she goes to.. Nope no vet visit needed, just needed to take her in to get weighed and they will give me the EXACT SAME medication I was told we needed a perscription for.. Seriously.. No wonder there is not proper pet care, some of the vets are just money grabbers. Had I not had a friend who I could ask her advise it'd cost us almost 100 bucks (after tax) now it's going to cost 20$. I now have a new vet and know two places I will not recommend to people.