Tuesday, September 17, 2013
So I have been having a hard time again with being a mom. Things are getting piled up and I am getting overwhelmed. I feel very often that I'm a bad mom. It's hard for me not to feel this way. I have an "ideal" mom image in my head. This mom is one who cooks, and cleans and spends 2-3 hours a day interacting with their child, and also has time to work out and keep the house hold flowing. She is "put together" with clothes and makeup and physically fit. I know moms like this. There are moms like this where I work. They are idols to me. They are the women I dream of being like. The kind of women I really want to be, but have no idea how to start to achieve it. Most days I do good to get my child fed, myself fed, my husband fed, and the dishes done and some toys picked up and showered. I realize I do not know what these ladies home lives are like, but in my mind they are able to cook and clean and have time to spend with their children. This exists right?! I know this is possible, I read about it I see it.. So WHY CAN'T I ACHIEVE IT. I have been told by a number of people I'm to hard on myself. That I'm expecting to much of myself, of my child, of my puppy. I do not give enough credit to myself. That I have alot on my plate (14 month old and a 7 month old puppy and working nights) I do not feel this way. I feel I am capable of so much more then what I'm doing right now. If I am capable... why am I not doing it? I have stopped caring about how I look in public, I have stopped caring about how I look at home. As long as I "get the basics done" that seems to be all I can manage to do. This is sad. This has caused a weight gain that I am NOT happy with. When will it kick in for me to start getting my life together? When will my feelings return? When will I start caring again? I really do feel like I am lost. I NEED to know other moms struggle. That they find things hard because as I look around, it appears everyone is "super mom" and I'm first in running for the "worst mom of the year" award. PLEASE if you have struggles, (if you are reading this) Please post. Let me know I'm not alone in this.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
So I discovered today I'm actually a super busy person. I do a lot in my day. I am always tired :S blah maybe someday I'll work normal shifts. I thought I'd tell you about my day.
8 am - wake up
8-8:30am - feed Alexander and Penny
8:30-9am - get breakfast (egg sandwich and coffee)
9-10am - play time
10/10:30am - Alexander down for a nap
10:30-11am - treamill (this is new starting today)
11-11:30am - shower and Alexander usually wakes from his nap
11:30-12:30pm - play time
12:30pm - give Alexander dinner
1 pm - make myself dinner
1-3pm - play time random cleaning dishes, laundry cleaning the living room
3-4pm - get Jon's supper/work lunch/breakfast for the next day ready get my work supper ready
4-4:15pm - time with Jon
4:15pm - leave for work
5pm-1:30am - work
2am - bed time
Then I'll do it all again tomorrow. I did do groceries so playtime got turned into "what's that" time at the grocery store.. Alexander's new favorite saying. Last week was pretty much the same except from 10-1130 I'd nap with Alexander. I've bought a treadmill in hopes of getting into shape again!
So here's a great story for the day. I got a really nice roast beef for supper. Made it for Jon with potatoes and carrots. He sat down to eat some, then he went back for 2nd's and while he was eating he noticed the dog was not beside him, AND she was quiet.. (can you guess where this story is going) She had gotten up on the counter (he did not push the plate back far enough) took the roast off the plate and ate the rest of it.. that's over 1/2 of a giant roast.. Yeah.. so no roast for me for tomorrow's lunch.. Boo.. I love roast beef..
And this just in looks like play date on friday.. So excited!!