Thursday, March 21, 2013

SAHM VS Working mom

So on another blog I visit she had a post about being a stay at home mom versus a working mom. There was a couple of articles she referred to regarding feminist house wives (The Retro Wife) and another from (Feminist housewife is such bullshit) There is so many comments on the Jezebel article I don't even know where to begin!
First my thoughts on being a stay at home mom vs a working mom. My mom worked, we do not have the best relationship but its not because she worked. It's because of how she chose to spend her time when she got home from work. She sat on her chair and read a book. I don't remember meals or conversations or anything she did with us I remember her ignoring us to read a book. I grew up with an older brother and sister who were not the best to me and I am not close to them either. None of us got attention from our mom. My dad passed away when I was 4 so she was a single mom. I understand raising kids is hard, I get that but it's also super important that you are involved a bit in your children's life.
I will be a working mom as well. Mainly for financial reasons, the other being sanity reasons. I need to have my own identity. I need to be more then mom. I need to be Charity as well. Working helps with that. I need the social aspect that work brings into my life. In order for me to be as great as mom as I can be it's important for me to be social. Until Alexander is 2 we will be splitting our parenting roles. I will be taking care of Alexander from the time he wakes until 4-430 at which time his dad will take care of him til bed time. Jon is going to be working 7-330 and I will be working 5-130. This does mean I will not get a ton of sleep, and we will not see much of each other. But this is what will work for our family. Once Alexander is 2 we'll see what sort of schedule I can get at work and see what happens from there.
I want to be able to afford to take family vacations and to get an education fund for Alexander and to get him things that he wants, not just what he needs. In order for us to do this we do need to be an 2 income household. Unfortunately neither one of us make a 3 figure salary that would be sufficient to take care of our family for one of us to stay home. Jon also would not have any problem with being a stay at home dad. In fact if we ever did win a lottery big enough for one of us to stay home, it would be him. The only stipulation I put on that is that he will need to learn how to cook. More then just hot dogs and fish and chips.
I do feel it is not important for a child to always have a "stay at home mom" I feel it's important for parents to be involved in their children's lives and they can do that while working. It takes effort yes. You will be exhausted yes but giving children a memory filled childhood is worth it.
My 2nd thought is from a thread from comment section that moms are better care givers then dad. That is BS. I do not believe "mom does it better" when it comes to child raising, and house work. I believe there needs to be and equal effort put in from both partners. One of the other comments was how it is or isn't biologically ingrained in women to wake at the sound of a baby crying. It totally is. When you give birth to that child there is something that just turns on for you to wake when the baby wakes, to check on the babies breathing to take care of that child. You carried it around for 9 months in your body it is a part of you. Dad's can learn to wake at the sound of a baby crying but mom's don't need to learn, they have their baby ears on from the time they give birth. PS if you ever do miss hearing the baby cry (when they have been hard crying for a while) because you are passed out from exhausted, you feel like the worst mom ever. I know this from experience.

On another note.. I have an 8 month old! Happy 8 months to my little man.

1 comment:

  1. That's bullshit that its not hardwired into moms to respond to a crying baby. It is, and studies have proven it. Moms also do not go into deep sleeps like they used to prior to kids. It makes sense too... Who needed to wake up for baby for millions of years? Not Dad since he'd just need to wake up mom to feed baby. Uggghh

    Can you tell I'm slightly bitter that I'm instantly awake when Mia whimpers over the monitor and Adam is still snoring away? Lol